Back Through Time

Back Through Time As a good man once said, “hens forth” the first post that was not made in real time.  The current place I landed is without free wifi and though I’m just outside Toronto, something technical about Canada’s 3 and 4g being superior to the US 3 and 4g renders my Galaxy SII a very expensive media player and not much more as long as I’m 30 miles past the fence.  At the moment, it’s Tuesday the 7th.

I haven’t reported in in a week+ because it started with a run up to Montreal, then back empty to Albany for another pickup.  WELL… I had a nice episode with Homeland Security on the way back, and it pretty much snowballed for the next 700 miles.  I ran out of hours, ended up going to the shipper late, waited HALF a day to get loaded, delivered in Ohio late…  It’s been a hell of a week.

I finally caught a break when I was given from Friday afternoon to Monday morning to go from Akron to Newark.  I slept in EVERY day, took 2 hour lunches, and FINALLY broke out the Xbox.  Topped it all off with a little help from my friends watching the super bowl on my phone.  My SPRINT phone.  

We all know how the weekend concluded so really it was another week I could do without. Back to the first run from Philly to Montreal- it’s too bad this was my first visit, because although I did my homework and it was cake finding the place with no wrong turns, the weather sucked.  Foggy, with that freezing mist so the roads are always wet, if you turn on your wipers it spreads the road slime all over, and literally every, every, EVERY vehicle that passes you, you need a shot of the washer fluid.  I chewed through 2 gallons on my 8 hours visit.  Once back in NY I was filled with joy as the big, fluffy flakes came down over the headlights.

Conversely in Toronto today, it was partly cloudy, a little lake breeze, and a beautiful sunset over the skyline as I headed west down the 401.  I probably could have taken a picture because it was stop and go for about 15 clicks.  Yea, that’s 9 miles for us countries still stuck in the stone age.  I left that mess and now I’m on my way around the lake to go back through Michigan.

Funny enough, that’s one state I’ve never been to.  Been close many a times, but not over the line.  I found out Toronto is crazy about Home Depot’s and Cold Stone.  Also it’s perfectly legal to hang your rear license plate from your hatchback windshield wiper with a bungee cord.  

Okay back to the beautiful first visit to Montreal: Just a heads up, if you ever happen to drive a CMV south through the Champlain, NY port of entry- no other apparently, JUST Champlain- you better damn well have a piece of paper written BY YOU saying your trailer is empty.  If you don’t, there is one of two possibilities waiting for you at the booth.

1:  You get helped by one of the cool agents, who greets you with a nice “Welcome back”,  walks you through what you need to fill out, how to get on your way quickly, and get a “drive safely hope to see you again soon.”

2: You get the other guy.  Thinks he’s a hero for putting on the uniform, going to shake down everybody to catch the one in a million terrorists and if anybody trying to do legitimate business gets questioned, they should thank him for asking, because as a member of the Department of Homeland Security and that means he is the highest authority of enforcement on the planet.  And by “asking” I mean of course repeatedly talking down to said business person in complete disbelief that he did NOT know the procedure step by step from the get go, did NOT know exactly where to go, who to talk to, what to say, and overall, know what he needed to move on in the first place.

Guess who I saw first?

Oh yea, almost forgot the punch line.  I got back in to the office after filling out the paperwork (alone, at my truck) Agent 2 was busy chewing on somebody else in a similar fashion so at the next window Agent 1 demonstrated his people skills from the training class Agent 2 obviously was out sick for, explained it to me, stamped my sheet, I paid my $10.75 (yes, you have to pay to get back in) and said I was all set.  I showed the agent at the gate, she took the sheet, said have a nice day- south I drove. Anybody want to point out the security flaw in this procedure?  Seriously you could drive a truck through it- literally.

So today I toured Ontario, with its plain English signs, Wal-Marts, IKEA’s, KFC’s and people driving regular minivans and SUV’s.  I really could believe I was still home except if you look closely you are at a “Wal-Mart Supercentre”.  And you set the cruise control at “100” on Queen Elizabeth Way.  Other than that, it’s America 2.0, and I’d be happy to come back.  I say that now, but ask me again after I meet customs at Port Huron with what will probably be more paperwork than I need.

And if they’re going to keep sending me up here, I’m coming back with a phone that can read signals from these towers.  BTW, if you ever wonder what all the 3G/4G LTE/not LTE is all about?  Once and for all?  I did too, so do what I did:  Go to the Wikipedia pages for both, respectively.  If you can read the first 2 out of the 40+ paragraphs and not feel like a clueless caveman who was mercilessly beaten over the head with a technical jargon stick, then you’re probably qualified to work for NASA and take somebody to Mars.  So really, all you need to know is that A) They’re both blanket terms made for marketing and B) Much like cell phones 20 years ago, it STILL DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU’RE STANDING.